Panda express

Inspired by the articles I read today about people donating their bamboo to feed the Atlanta Zoo pandas, I decided to harvest my own bamboo and make panda dinners. I hope they come and visit. Maybe I'll FedEx these to Atlanta.

Scent marking

Lavendar of many varieties. It'll smell like old lady when it all grows in. Which is a slight improvement from dog smell.



I changed my mind. The kiwi and the arbor are better located here. So I moved them.



And the bananas go where the arbor used to be. I hope I don't move them. I'm going to have to get some monkeys to help me pick bananas.

Tender breasts

The guest room finally gets a real phone jack. No more phone cords to trip over on the way to the bathroom.



I couldn't resist making coca cola chicken. Tasted vaguely teriyaki. Not as good as Davy's normal roast chickens, but better than the stuff at cheap Japanese restaurants.



Booby bear keychain found at the Chinese grocery store. She loves your keys with her enormous humps.

Porcine obesity

The feast of many meats begins.



Slabs of meat.



And the piece de resistance... coca cola ham. I found the recipe for ham brined in 6 liters of coca cola. I had to make it. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a fresh ham these days. And I used Shasta instead because it was on sale for 99 cents per 3 liter bottle.

Driving dogs

For Xmas, Hannah got her first car from Mommy and Daddy. She loves to drive.



So in the future, she can find prime beef and Chinese food on the way to visit Uncle Davy.



Where Uncle Davy will use the Octodog to make her octopus shaped hot dogs.

What's that smell

Hannah is making sure her nose is clean before she goes to church to be baptised.



Preston wants someone to check if his nose is clean too.



Disturbing poster of kitties with pushed in noses. Hanging in one of Hannah's church hallways.



I made a stinky. I'm so embarassed.

Christmas goose

Honky has finally lost it's legs. I think Preston is trying to help prepare Xmas dinner. There's exists an entire bucketful of legless armless squeaky critters. That Preston, such a brutal killer.



Preston's favorite part of Interstate 5 is the stretch of stinky cows. He's completely mesmorized by the stinky cows.



I've been using old maps as wrapping paper for years, but this is the first time I've actually wrapped gifts with old maps in the car at a rest stop. It's very appropriate.

Bamboozled

Bamboo flour everywhere! I'm going to sweep these up and make cookies for the pandas in San Diego.



Holy crap. Why the hell did I decide to put the planks on the diagonal? Considering I'm the one who placed out of calculus in college AND aced linear algebra AND have off the charts spacial recognition skills, this is really really hard. All those nightmarish angles... eeee...



All finished. So tired. I had to finish the whole floor once I opened the can of goo. I have goo stuck to my hands and hair, and other places where I touched myself. But it's gorgeous. So pretty.



Christmas risotto and squash. This dish was invented because of the colors. Tasted pretty good too.



I want my stinky carpet back.

Stinky bitches

My furniture came a day early. Too busy to deal with it. They stay in boxes for now. I must finish the floors in time.



Securing cable and telephone wires. Whoever installed the cable last must have been smoking something, they took the long way around three walls and two doorways. There's a more elegant shorter way through the closet.



The floors get a coat of waterproofing epoxy. With Xylene! The entire downstairs smells like those now illegal markers I used to use in school. They may be bad for me, but, dammit, those markers worked great.



Preston is really pissed at having his room ruined. He's seeking comfort from Squirrel and Honky instead of me.

Golden glow

Sigh. My dough always seems too floppy.



But this one baked up perfectly! Yay! Bread success! Yay for me.



Ah green! This happy color is designed to keep guest room stays short.

White chocolate

Today is Alyssa Milano's birthday. Happy Birthday!



The little neighborhood deli down the street had visits from such luminaries like Dionne Warwick, Mesach Taylor, and Cher. I quote Cher, "Your enchiladas rock!"



Ceiling painted. Walls primed. Ready for color.



The cable line will be re-routed, so unsightly wires and visible holes in the wall will be excorcised.



Double dark chocolate chip cookies. These are another step beyond Nancy's cookies. Yes, there have been a crazy amount of cookies lately. But not as crazy as somebody who is making 119 coffee cakes. Crazy!

Panda food

I couldn't resist opening my gifts early. MK got me a panda hat.



And all the tools and materials for the new floor are ready to go. New toys. Yay.



Carbonized vertical grained bamboo. I'm hoping it will attract pandas with it's caramelized sweetness. I sorted all the planks according to color and pattern, so there would be a subtle gradation from the lighter planks to the darker planks accross the room.



And I sorted all the gingerbread into columns.



Ugly chocolate shortbread cookies.



Chocolate espresso cookies. Powdered sugar hides a lot of sins.

Sour patch kids

So many holes and uneven surfaces in 90 year old walls. Spackle. Spackle. Spackle. It may be crazy to try to make the walls perfectly smooth.




Who would have thunk that I would one day be swiffering a ceiling.



I was trying to decide between planting grapes or kiwi's at the arbor. But once I found out that the name of the kiwi fruit in it's native China was "golden hairy goat testicles..." Easy choice.



Kieffer Sutherland Lime.



And yuzu. Practically inedible. Sour like extreme candy.



This holiday, random people will be getting cookies. These chocolate chip cookies are better than Nancy's.



Gingerbread puppies. This is my first time making gingerbread dogs. I burnt a quarter of the batch.